Welcome back ladies!
We are in Chapter 4 this week. Let's open with a prayer.
Dear, sweet Father, I ask your blessing over the hearts that gather here. This is such a tender work we are doing; delving into our past, examining our present and growing towards our future. Our hearts are so deeply wounded as you know even better than we. I ask not for your protection but for your gentle, loving guidance today. I ask that you reveal to us more of you and more of who we are to you. I ask that you give each of these women a sweet sign of your presence with them as they do this difficult work. You are the gentle healer and I move forward with confidence that your healing will be done in the depths of each heart before you today. I thank you for the opportunity to walk with these women and for your perfect love.
In Jesus' name,
Amen! :)
Hello sweet friends!
Before we get started with the next chapter. I wanted to clear up a little detail just in case there was any confusion. It is not necessary for anyone to answer every question listed unless of course they want to. :) Here is my thought process: When I make a post I will be including a number of questions from the workbook. I try to pick at least one question from each 'topic' in the chapter. This is just to make sure that there is an opportunity to discuss any and every facet of what is in the chapter and provide you the opportunity to choose. Because these chapters are packed full of good, soul healing, stuff that often means that there are LOTS of questions listed. I really want to give you each an opportunity to dig in wherever the Lord and your heart leads you. Please don't mistake that to mean that if you post you HAVE to answer every question. You just answer the ones that mean the most for you and/or the ones that you are most comfortable sharing. I realize that we all are very busy so you use this time in the best way for you and the Lord and we will all be blessed :)
Now! :) Let's begin!
Once again questions from our author's workbook
"How did you feel reading about Carrie's birthday morning? Cynical? Longing?"
"Was your mother comfortable with her femininity? How would you describe her, as a woman?" "Try to put some words to what you learned about femininity from watching your mother?" "What did your father value in women? What did you learn from him about femininity?"
"Did your father delight in you? (and I mean in honorable, appropriate ways). If he did (Oh how I hope he did), what about you did he delight in?"
"If, like me, your father didn't delight in you as a little girl, try to put some words to what you would have wanted him to say or do."
"What do you believe about yourself as a woman?" "How did the wounds you received shape the way you see yourself as a woman now?"
"Can you begin to see the 'vows' that you made on how you would live? (Again, ask for God's help here. These things run so deeply inside of us they are difficult to see.) What vows did you make?"
"Are you aware of a mistrust of God deep in your heart? Are you aware of ways you are trying to control your world? Are there times when you feel an ache and longing for more intimacy and more life? (That's good, by the way.)"
Let's close with a quick prayer, Lord, you know my wounds and you know how I have hidden and mistrusted you. Please come into my heart right now and fill the empty places with your love. Remind me that no matter what wounds I have or lies I've believed, you are my loving, gentle, perfect father who finds me delightful and captivating.
Amen.
Ladies, I am so thankful for each of you. I am praying for you every day. Know that you are deeply and completely loved by the father who knit you together in the womb and claimed you as His own!
In Him
Kandice
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This was an intense chapter to read for me. I can very much relate to Carrie's story at the beginning of the chapter. My parents were incredible and I feel very fortunate to have them as parents. My father and I were incredibly close and I was his "princess". He made me feel special and loved thru his entire life. My mother is an incredible woman. She showed me what real love is by being there to take care of my father as his body was eaten away by cancer. She was there for the good, the bad and in sickness and health. She modeled the vows she took with my father and loved him through out it all.
ReplyDeleteI remember as a young girl she would allow me to play dress up with her make up and she would never throw shoes away, just pass them down to me to play with. She also showed me that there were times I needed to be strong and times it was okay for me to cry. My mother is a very courageous and wonderful woman. I still am very close to her to this day. I just hope I show my daughters how to live and am consciously putting God first and show my love for God in front of my kids. I pray that they will see and follow Him as well.
Wow! What a blessing to hear that you were so cherished as a little girl! I'm so glad that you shared with us. I'm curious...what was intense about this chapter for you? Was it just the realization that you were so deeply blessed? Or was there something else that struck you here?
ReplyDelete"How did you feel reading about Carrie's birthday morning? Cynical? Longing?"
ReplyDeleteEXCITED!!! I would have LOVED for my parents to do that for me as a young girl! What girl wouldn't!? My parents did really surprise me on my 17th birthday with a huge surprise party and I felt very special. and they always had their ways of showing their love, even if it wasn't this extravagant.
"Was your mother comfortable with her femininity? How would you describe her, as a woman?" "Try to put some words to what you learned about femininity from watching your mother?" "What did your father value in women? What did you learn from him about femininity?"
No. she was not. she was verbally abused by an alcoholic father and was an only child. Her mother dolled her up beautifully, but her father hated to spend so much money on clothes! her mother was very defensive and obviously resentful of the love and life that was stuffed into that bottle.
Raising two girls, my mother was very proud of us - gave us good things (shopped bargains!) She stuffed her emotions and pain with food.
I don't know what my father valued in women. he preached about women being equals. he highly valued education as he spent a great deal of his own life on it and spent a lot of time with us (three kids) on homework and projects. we are an entire family of college degrees now. ha.
"Did your father delight in you? (and I mean in honorable, appropriate ways). If he did (Oh how I hope he did), what about you did he delight in?"
He delighted in us as children by playing pillow fights and horseback riding (with him as the horse, that is), trains, kites, riding bikes. he spent time with us. he didn't verbally tell us of his love or pride for us. but his presence made that statement, I believe. he was always there at concerts, recitals, competitions, football games, etc. Never verbal, but always present. I heard him tell a few others on occasion of our accomplishments (which meant he was proud of us).
"What do you believe about yourself as a woman?" "How did the wounds you received shape the way you see yourself as a woman now?"
NOW, I believe that I am valuable, beautiful and strong in Christ. I received many wounds. I sought attention and affection from boys all through life - early on. looking back now, that indicates there was some disconnect in my need/lack of from my father. There was obvious emotionally driven behavior. There was disconnect in my knowledge that my Father Papa was longing for me. in those relationships was abuse by a few of those boys.
and unfortunately by the one I married as well. These wounds have shaped me into a stronger woman. no longer do I see myself as a wounded victim. I am empowered by GOD!
"Can you begin to see the 'vows' that you made on how you would live? (Again, ask for God's help here. These things run so deeply inside of us they are difficult to see.) What vows did you make?" I vowed that I would never marry anyone as selfish and pig-headed as my brother!!! and that is exactly what i did! Thankfully, my brother matured into a Godly loving husband and father for his family.
I vowed to "help people" although I never made clear goals how to do that. I couldn't commit to a goal, or a person.
"Are you aware of a mistrust of God deep in your heart? Are you aware of ways you are trying to control your world? Are there times when you feel an ache and longing for more intimacy and more life? (That's good, by the way.)" Yes I am aware. And yes, God is bringing this up and showing me His sweet love and healing. Yes Holy Spirit is reminding me "you're not alone, stop trying to do everything by yourself!"
this was a hard chapter for me. as the next couple are (i can't slow down! hahah) i definitely remember moments where my parents delighted in me. honestly it happened more as i got older. but as a child, i don't remember there being a lot of that. dad was working cause mom was sick and couldn't help as much.
ReplyDeletein my working through stuff, i asked God at one point if there was something i was misunderstanding about him and he showed me a picture of my freshman year when my dad forgot me at a dentist appointment. then later when he yelled at me cause i came out in pjs when a grown man was over at the house.
while there may have been moments, i certainly wasn't overwhelmed with the feeling of being his princess. and it makes me really sad. i realize that he didn't have anyone to pour into him, neither did my mother, but you can't change that. no amount of tears can make up for that. i love them dearly and have definitely forgiven them, but the pain still remains. the fact is i wasn't delighted in. and it has taken me 26 years to finally understand that i am worthy of being delighted in.
my mom wasn't femanine. she was a tom boy growing up. i didn't learn until a few years ago that i could be femanine and myself. revelational. i could love motorcycles and camping and shooting guns and love to get dressed up and cry at girly movies all at the same time!
i learned bad habits...but also learned some good ones. they never had a passionate marriage but always remained faithful, devoted. they were hospitable and loved anyone, no matter who they were or what they looked like. they gave food to the homeless on the streets when they had it and tried to genuinely care for people.
and now i am learning things i should have probably learned a long time ago. i am learning that i don't have to keep trying so hard. that i have to be me. that i have to pursue God and he is going to work out the rest. i am learning that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with me...God knows that this is a hard one for me to give to him daily. satan loves to throw that one in there..."there must be something wrong with you...you're still single and you're almost 27". by the grace of God i see the truth more often than not these days.